The Final Fantasy 7 Label Hour!
by E for Emma
Summary: Wow. This is complete and total insanity. But it includes Sephiroth with a mohawk. Please read. And review. I'll give you candy...JULY 22CHAPTER FOUR! YAY!
1. Part One

The Final Fantasy Seven Social Label Hour!  
  
Notes: I don't own these characters. (I think.) I also don't like labeling people too terribly much, but this fic wouldn't be as completely full of hilarity if I didn't use the stupid labels. ON WE GO!  
  
Let's say that Sector 7's been reconstructed, mmm'kay? And let's say that Aeris...NEVER MIND I'M NOT TYPING A SPOILER HERE.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
One fine day in Midgar, the Final Fantasy 7 crew was hanging out at Seventh Heaven. Aeris was playing the pinball machine, which was aptly named "Devil's Advocate". She lost and turned around to see that Cloud, Tifa, Vincent, Red, Sephiroth, Cid and Cait Sith were all gone for no apparent reason.   
  
"That's strange. I wonder where they went," she said aloud.   
  
"Dem foo's went to de mall," Barret replied, cleaning out some beer mugs. "You was too busy playing dat pinball game. I didn't wanna distract ya."   
  
"WE'RE BA-A-A-ACK!" Tifa squealed. She was carrying a bunch of shopping bags.  
  
"Where are those from?" Aeris asked. Tifa showed her each bag. "Wet Seal. Express. GAP. Abercrombie and Fitch?" She looked up to see Tifa wearing a shirt that proudly read "SPRING BREAK" even though it was summer, with the words "Abercrombie and Fitch" written smaller beneath it. She was also wearing a very short khaki miniskirt.  
  
"Shi't!" Barret hollered from the bar. "Tifa! Marlene's at a very impressionable age, you foo'!"  
  
"So?" Tifa took out a tube of roll-on raspstrawbluemulberry lip gloss and applied it. Suddenly, Cloud came in, wearing thick-rimmed glasses even though his vision was perfect, a plain brown shirt with the Weezer logo on it, brown pants and black Chuck Taylors. He looked very sad.   
  
"What's wrong with him?" Tifa asked. Cloud simply sighed.   
  
"He's...either gotten very sad again or..." Aeris gasped. "It can't be."  
  
"What?" asked Tifa.  
  
"Cloud, have you gone emo?" Aeris asked Cloud, who nodded. "And silent?" He shook his head no.   
  
"PUNK ROCK TAXI!!!" came a loud voice. Tifa, Aeris and Cloud turned to see Sephiroth entering the room. The ominous music that usually played when he entered had been replaced with Sex Pistols music and his long grey hair had been replaced with...a long grey mohawk. The sides of his head were completely shaved, leaving a tall grey mohawk in the middle. He had gotten his eyebrow and nose pierced, was wearing a shirt that had a picture from one of The Casualties' album covers, baggy black pants with two bondage straps on the back and front, a chain and combat boots with removable spikes on them. He placed now empty bags from Hot Topic on the table next to Tifa's bags.   
  
"What is going on?" Aeris asked.  
  
"Did Sephiroth go punk?" Tifa asked.   
  
"Heh. Wait until you see what Vincent spent HIS hard-earned money on," Sephiroth said, sitting down. You could hear his wallet chain go clink. He turned right as Vincent stepped in and watched Tifa's facial expression change to one of shock.   
  
"Dear sweet Jesus..." she muttered.  
  
"Shut up," Vincent replied. "It's an expression of the deep, dark depths of my tortured soul!"  
  
"Vincy, honey, it's not whatever you said it is, it's black eyeliner. And it's drawn on so it looks like either scars or tears or something like that. And men just do NOT look good in eyeliner!!!" Tifa screamed, her face turning red. Cloud began to cry.   
  
"I need to go listen to some Bright Eyes and just cry," Cloud said, using the Devil's Advocate machine to go downstairs. A few minutes later, Bright Eyes was coming out of the speakers. But now back to Vincent's description. ANYWAY. In addition to the black eyeliner, he was also wearing black lipstick, which caused Tifa to go into a state of shock. A spiked dog collar was around his neck and he was wearing a black shirt with a white cross on it and fishnet all the way down to his hands. The pants he was wearing were so baggy they looked like a skirt if you squinted hard enough.   
  
"Dear sweet Jesus our Lord in heaven Vincent's gone goth Vincent's gone goth..." Tifa kept repeating the same thing over and over and every so often twitching a bit and banging her head against the table.  
  
"Is she all right?" Aeris asked.  
  
"She's trying to get the gothed-out Vincent out of her head," Sephiroth replied. "And I don't blame her."  
  
"You shut up, Mr. 'Oooh, I'm gonna go punk and get a mohawk'. Poser," Vincent muttered.  
  
"What'd you call me?"  
  
"I called you a poser, you evil homicidal maniacal FAIRY!"   
  
"Run for it!" Aeris howled.   
  
"Wait, I haven't even shown myself yet!" Yuffie whined, stepping inside to see Vincent and Sephiroth glaring daggers at each other.   
  
"What are you?" Tifa asked.  
  
"Indie," Yuffie replied. She was wearing a forest green shirt with nothing on it and plain blue jeans. "I don't see what the big deal is. I just went to Goody's while everyone else was going to Cold Topics or wherever. Hey, where'd Cloud go?"  
  
"He needed to go downstairs, cry and listen to Bright Eyes," Aeris replied.  
  
"Hey, Aeris, you're not an overdone social label," Tifa pointed out.  
  
"That's right. That's because I don't like them. It's a moral objection, nothing else." Aeris smiled. "Now let's get some popcorn. I bet Vincent'll win."  
  
"Are you kidding? I say Sephiroth," Tifa replied.   
  
"I think that Chaos'll come out and kick Sephiroth's ASS!" Yuffie shouted, punching her fist in the air.   
  
Downstairs, Cloud had used an entire Sam's Club-sized case of Kleenex crying his eyes out whilst listening to Bright Eyes. However, right as he dried his crying eyes with the very last tissue, the CD ended. He looked over to see that the entire CD had only been 12 tracks. He had been crying through 12 tracks of music? His eyes hurt, but that was okay, because he went back upstairs to see the girls cheering for either Sephiroth or Vincent.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked Aeris.  
  
"Vincent called Sephiroth a poser, then an 'evil homicidal maniacal fairy', if I remember right, so this made Sephiroth all mad and whatnot, so they're gonna fight."  
  
"STOP!" Cloud cried out. "Fighting is bad," he whined. "Can't we just settle things with words?" This made the entire bar go silent until Barret threw down a glass.   
  
"Shu'up, foo'!!" he demanded. "Let 'em fight if they wanna." This made Cloud cry again. He quickly retreated downstairs, this time putting on Dashboard Confessional. "Who knew his spiky white ass could cry?"   
  
"When are we gonna see some fighting?" Yuffie asked impatiently. "I'm getting bored. Pull on his mohawk!"   
  
"Good idea," Aeris replied, watching as Vincent pulled on Sephiroth's mohawk, which he had mohawked with Elmer's Glue.   
  
"Your mom is so stupid, she had you!" Vincent said to Sephiroth.  
  
"Holy shit," Tifa said, watching as the veins popped from Sephiroth's neck. Everyone knew that talking bad about mothers to Sephiroth was not a good idea. "That took balls."  
  
"What took balls?" Yuffie asked.  
  
"Being able to say a your mom joke to Sephiroth."   
  
"Kick his ass, Vincent!" Yuffie screamed. "I bet all my gil on it..."  
  
"What'd you say about my mom?" Sephiroth asked.  
  
"I SAID, your mom is so stupid, she had YOU."  
  
"YOU (Censored for your protection)ing (censor)!!! At least I'm not a (censored) vampire!"  
  
"What do you mean, at least? The chicks dig it."  
  
"Shut up and fight!" Aeris shouted. Barret was ready to call the cops...the fire department...the insane asylum...  
  
The fight began with a bunch of punches, which wasn't a good idea because Sephiroth had a spiked bracelet on one of his hands. Yuffie stole it to keep the battle a bit more fair and let it continue. After the initial flurry of punches, Vincent got SO irritated and just generally pissed off that he turned into Chaos (how goth!) and began to kick Sephiroth around like a soccer ball. A soccer ball with a mohawk. Chaos kicked Sephiroth into a wall, which prompted a Latin American soccer commentator to start hollering "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!" until he coughed up his lungs, died and disappeared. Even though Sephiroth the mohawked soccer ball was still in said ball, begging for mercy, Chaos began to kick him over and over and over and over until he felt he was done. Then he did a victory dance kind of like the Latin American soccer teams, except without the jumping all over each other and screaming. The girls began to cheer, then bodybump, then headbang, then do the wave, then cheer some more. Sephiroth still was in his little ball, kind of whimpering, his mohawk messed up. Chaos turned back into Vincent, then the girls stormed him and started squealing like strange little fangirls.  
  
"You got knocked the hell out!" they all said in unison, even Barret.  
  
"I'm not unconscious!" Sephiroth retorted.  
  
"You didn't finish the job?" Yuffie asked in shock.  
  
"I'm just kind of tired. But let me tell you, Valentine, you'll pay DEARLY for saying that about my mother! Whoosh!" With that, Sephiroth disappeared.   
  
"YAY!" everyone said. Cloud came back upstairs, drying his eyes once more.   
  
"Fighting is bad!" he said, whining. And suddenly, the author appeared out of nowhere, taunted Cloud the Emo Kid, told Barret he's a bit too much like Mr. T of The A-Team, told Yuffie that Chuck Taylors come in orange (I think), said she was a really big Vincent fangirl, then said "WHOOSH!" and disappeared once more. That was truly strange. Barret thought about the similarities between him and Mr. T, Cloud was all sad because...well, he just IS, and Yuffie rushed off to get orange Chuck Taylors. Then, two very tall men from Square knocked on the door of the author's house and gave her candy to not use their characters in completely deranged stories like these.   
  
"Let's go to the Gold Saucer!" Aeris suggested. "We'll have fun!"   
  
THE bloody friggin' END! 


	2. Part Twooooo!

The FF7 Social Label Hour   
  
COMES BACK FOR SECONDS!  
  
Notes: Everyone, thanks for the reviews! They made me all happy-like. And, for a moment there, when I was describing gothed-out Vincy, I went into a...sort of spasm...*eats candy, no and it's NOT the Square candy, I got GARY MARTIN HAYES on their case (that joke is only funny if you live in Atlanta, Gary Martin Hayes rocks)*. Anyway. Since I'm on summer vacation/holiday/hols, I thought I would write a vacacione-type thing, which, of course, dictates that the characters must be in the Costa del Sol villa. I'm kind of making up the layout of it...there are different bedrooms and they all have TVs, then there is a common room, which has a kitchen, and a deck that has a picture-perfect view of the ocean.  
  
By the way: I forgot to write in Cid, Red and Cait into the last fic. They will appear here. Also, in this part, swear words won't be hilariously censored. Maturity required!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Who took my Cure CD?" Sephiroth demanded, searching through everything in the room he refused to share with anyone. Black clothes and spiked things flew through the air like debris after an explosion as he scoured his little corner of the Costa del Sol villa for his Cure CD. His mohawk was only halfway done up, the other half still streaming down his back as normal. His hands were covered in drying, peeling Elmer's Glue, which left marks on all his black clothes. This just made him a little more mad.  
  
"I'm missing 106th and Park!" Cid pleaded with Tifa, who would not turn the TV off of MindlessTV (MTV), where an old white guy was desperately trying to be cool (Carson Daly). "Please, Tifa, I'll do anything!" Tifa looked up and noticed Cid was wearing a white FUBU shirt, baggy red sweatpants and a gold chain necklace with a dollar sign on it. He was also wearing those Adidas shoes that Run-DMC wore so long ago.  
  
"Hmm...no. I want to see the new Justin Timberlake video! Hee-hee!" Tifa replied. This caused Cid to burst out into an angered flurry of swear words.   
  
"Shu'up, you dried-up old foo'! Dontcha know there's a TV in every room?" Barret asked from his room, where he was watching a show about hunting. "You can watch ya damn 106th and Park in ya own room!" Cid's flurry of swear words changed from being aimed at Tifa to being aimed at Barret.   
  
I'm pretty sure we all know by now the only person with enough guts/balls/whatever you wish to hide one of Sephiroth's belongings. No, it's not Superman, or even Bob the Builder...That's right, it's our gothy, tortured friend Vincent! He was opening and closing the CD jewel case over and over again, sitting in a dark corner. Unfortunately, he had to share a room with Emo Cloud, which brought him down because Cloud HAD to listen to his emo music all the time. And cry. Oh yes, did Cloud ever cry. He's emo, after all.   
  
"Do you ever get tired of that whiny crap?" he finally asked Cloud, who was listening to Sunny Day Real Estate.   
  
"Get tired of Sunny Day Real Estate?" Cloud treated Vincent's question like he had asked if the sky was blue or if people breathed air. "That's impossible."   
  
"Okay, if you're never going to get tired of Rainy Night Fake Estate, at least use some headphones so OTHER PEOPLE don't have to hear that whiny crap." This caused Cloud to...do what every other emo boy does a lot...CRY.   
  
Aeris and Yuffie, the two slightly not-labeled people, were in their room. Yuffie was watching a ninja show on TV and Aeris was busily typing away on a laptop computer.   
  
"Hey, Aeris, whatcha doin'?" Yuffie asked.  
  
"Me? I'm updating my weblog." Aeris typed a few more things, then hit Enter. "It's fun, but it can get addictive pretty fast."   
  
"I'm thinking of taking up guitar," Yuffie said randomly, and a black Fender electric guitar and an amp appeared out of nowhere. She plugged the guitar in and began to play all the chords. "D...E...G...C...how do I play B again?"   
  
"I'm going to go get a lemonade. I'll be right back." Aeris left the room and saw Justin Timberlake on the TV doing his thing. "Wow. He is hot."  
  
"I know, isn't he?" asked Tifa, who was painting her nails in the latest nail color trend (I forgot what it is...I just wear black polish all the time).   
  
"What's his name?" Aeris began to talk in that faraway, dreamy voice.  
  
"Justin Timberlake. JT!" Tifa replied, giggling.  
  
"Wow. I think I will watch this with you." So, forgetting entirely about the lemonade, Aeris sat down and watched all of TRL with Tifa. Yuffie eventually came out into the common room (where Tifa and Aeris were watching TRL), still holding the guitar that had appeared out of nowhere.   
  
"Hey, Aeris? Is it okay if I use your computer to download some guitar tabs?" asked Yuffie.  
  
"Sure. But could you open one of my fileshare programs and type Lillix into the search bar? They're really good," Aeris said as a Lillix video came on TRL. (Don't even get me started on Lillix...four Avril clones writing pop songs)  
  
"Where is my damn Cure CD?" Sephiroth asked, entering the common room. Tifa turned to look at him and her eyes got big upon seeing his half-hawk. "Who took my Cure CD?!" he demanded.  
  
"I don't know. Have you asked Cloud? Maybe he mistook The Cure for emo and wanted to cry to it," Yuffie suggested, strumming off a few more notes on her guitar. "He's in that room." She pointed with her guitar pick to one of the rooms, the door ajar. "By the way, you forgot to do up all of your mohawk..."  
  
"I know! I know! I'll finish the job as soon as I find my Cure CD." Sephiroth stormed off toward the room Yuffie suggested. Then, Yuffie turned towards Aeris.  
  
"Aeris? Have you gone teenie?" she asked, just plain shocked when Aeris nodded yes. "All right then. Enjoy your...TRL."   
  
Sephiroth pushed the door to Cloud's room open so it slammed against the wall. Cloud had ignored Vincent's request to get some headphones and was on Sunny Day Real Estate's second album, still crying a river. (No, that is not a pun towards a Justin Timberlake song.) Vincent was sulking in the dark corner he had made for himself.  
  
"Cloud, do you have my Cure CD?" Sephiroth asked, now getting irritated.  
  
"Hmmm..." Cloud stopped to ponder a bit. "Nope, sorry." He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, just like he does every time he is asked a question in the game itself.   
  
"Boys Don't Cry? You call this punk?" Vincent asked, sneering. "I thought you would like...maybe The Buzzcocks or someone else. I guess your musical tastes are varied."   
  
"You took it?" Sephiroth asked.  
  
"It looks kind of obvious, doesn't it?"   
  
"Give it back, Valentine."  
  
"How about no."  
  
"Okay then, would you like your death to be slow and painful or quick and painless?"  
  
"Sephiroth, you seem to have forgotten that I'm a vampire."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So you kind of can't kill me."  
  
"...I knew that. Give me back my CD."  
  
"Not yet. There's one thing I have to do with it." Vincent walked across the room and into the common room, walked in front of the TV (which caused Aeris and Tifa to loudly complain) and walked onto the deck.   
  
"What the fuck are you going to do with my CD?!" Sephiroth demanded.  
  
"I don't know. I was kind of wondering how far I can throw."  
  
"This is getting good," Tifa whispered to Aeris, who nodded. "Do you think we'll have a repeat of last time, with that soccer dude?" Aeris remembered the soccer dude and his GOOOOOOAL.   
  
"Not sure."  
  
"He's really gonna throw it!!" Tifa pointed out right as Vincent chucked that sucker off the deck and watched it fly for a little before falling into a patch of poison ivy. (Note: I like The Cure.)  
  
"Hm. Too bad. That appears to be poison ivy."   
  
Suddenly, the author popped up out of the patch, dressed in one of those Haz-Mat suits. She took off the headpiece and waved the CD around.  
  
"Thanks! I was looking for that one."   
  
"Who is she?" Sephiroth asked.  
  
"I give you LIIIIIFE!" She paused. "Erm...maybe I'll just leave now. I want to go get a cherry ice-sucky...although it is a poor substitute for human blood. WHOOSH!" (Note: I took that cherry ice-sucky thing from SQUEE! by Jhonen Vasquez.) With that whoosh, she disappeared off into the horizon, looking for the nearest Circle K. (Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.) Everyone promptly forgot the appearance of the author because she made them. Although Vincent remembered the cherry ice-sucky tip.   
  
"You stole my CD! For that, you shall pa--Hey! Where's my chain?" Sephiroth looked down to see the chain that held his wallet was gone.   
  
In the other room, Yuffie was buying accessories for her newfound guitar with Sephiroth's Gold Plus credit card.   
  
"Damn eBay auctions...you bid and then someone bids over you..." Yuffie muttered.   
  
"Who has my chain?" Sephiroth asked. "Valentine, do you have it?"  
  
"Why would I want to take it?"  
  
"Hmm. Good point. Barret?"  
  
"Ooooh gurl I'd neva hurt'chu," Barret sang in a slow, soulful voice, like Usher or...someone like Usher.  
  
"Uh...riiiiiight," Sephiroth replied, stretching out the i in the style of Dr. Evil. "I guess not. Aeris? Tifa?"   
  
"We've got all the money we need," Tifa replied. "Nope."  
  
"Cid?" Sephiroth asked, headed for Cid's room, where he was watching 106th and Park and dancing along to 50 Cent.  
  
"Go shorty! It's ya birthday! We gonna party like it's ya birthday..." Cid sang.  
  
"CID!" Sephiroth shouted. "HAVE YOU SEEN MY WALLET?"   
  
"Naw, dawg, I ain't seen ya wallet."   
  
"Okay then." Sephiroth went into the animal room, which was occupied by Red and Cait Sith. "Have you two seen my wallet?"  
  
"Nope," Red replied.  
  
"Wait! I think I know where it went!" Cait Sith announced, then the Mog thingy did a little dance like when you first meet him in the game. The Mog handed a piece of paper to Sephiroth.  
  
"If the shoe fits, it's probably the right size? What's that got to do with finding my wallet?"   
  
"Okay, let me try again!" Cait Sith tried about seven more times, each time coming up with something you would probably find in a fortune cookie instead of an answer as to where Sephiroth's wallet went. Eventually, he threw a temper tantrum and got out of there.  
  
"WHERE MY WALLET IS AT?" he screamed, holding his head.   
  
"Crap!" Yuffie whispered right as she won a Gibson Les Paul guitar. She slipped the credit card back into its little resting place, snapped the wallet shut and looked around for a place to hide it. Eventually she just chucked it under the bed, then assumed an innocent position on the bed, typing away on the laptop.   
  
"Yuffie, have you seen my wallet?"  
  
"No siree, Bob, I haven't. Have you asked Cloud yet?"  
  
"No, actually, I haven't. Thanks, anyway."  
  
"You're welcome." As Sephiroth left, Yuffie typed "sucker" into the computer.  
  
"Cloud?" Sephiroth asked, walking into Cloud and Vincent's room.  
  
"What do you want?" Cloud asked, dabbing away his neverending tears. "I hate myself."  
  
"Good for you. Have you seen my wallet?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud paused to think, then wiped away a few more tears.   
  
"What does it look like?"  
  
"Well...it's a black snap-shut wallet with Pantera written on it...and it's on a silver metal chain."  
  
"Hmm...nope. Haven't seen it. Sorry."  
  
"DAMMIT!" Sephiroth screamed.  
  
"Hey, no need to shout," replied Cloud.  
  
"Wait a minute. Who's the one who usually steals stuff?"  
  
"Well, lately it's been Vincent, but before that? Yuffie."  
  
"YUFFIE!!!!" Sephiroth screamed louder, his face turning red and the veins popping from beneath his skin.   
  
"Yes?" Yuffie replied ever-so-innocently.  
  
"YOU STOLE MY WALLET, DIDN'T YOU?"  
  
"Why, of course not..."  
  
"DON'T LIE TO ME OR I WILL KILL YOU!"  
  
"Holy crap! Well...I kinda borrowed it..."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?"  
  
"I...I..." Yuffie was so scared, her face was frozen in a look of pure terror. "ikindausedittobuysomestuffonebayi'llpayyoubackonceihavethemoneyreallyiwillipromise...."  
  
"YOU USED MY WALLET TO BUY STUFF ON EBAY?"  
  
"yes"  
  
"GIVE IT BACK. NOW!" Yuffie searched underneath the bed for the wallet, then handed it back to Sephiroth, who stormed out of the room.  
  
"A 'thank you' would be NICE!" Yuffie shouted back. "Bastard."  
  
The author was floating outside the window of Cloud and Vincent's room, floating in the indian-style position, sipping on a cherry ice-sucky. Inside, Cloud was finished with Sunny Day Real Estate's second album and put on the third one. Once again, Vincent begged him to put on some friggin' headphones, but of course Cloud didn't. This caused Cloud to burst into tears again. Vincent, who was applying eyeliner, accidentally poked himself in the eye with the pencil and went off on Cloud. While he was going off on Cloud, the author sat there, eyes glazed over, straw dangling out of her mouth, look of pure amazement on her face. Did she just spot his fangs? Damn, was he hot. Oh yeah. Cherry ice-sucky straw...dangling...out of mouth...you might want to drink it...but what about the fangs...shut up and drink...fangs...drink...what if he got hungry? would you offer yourself up? YES! oh no i think i'm falling...And the author fell to the ground, but her mind was in dreamland.   
  
"Did you hear something?" Cloud asked.  
  
"No, I can't hear ANYTHING above that stupid music of yours."  
  
"It sounded like someone falling."  
  
"Disregard it. It was probably just a bird."  
  
"Poor bird." This caused Cloud to, you guessed it, cry some more. Vincent simply sighed and continued applying eyeliner.  
  
TRL ended, so Aeris and Tifa went to get on the laptop and download boy-band music, kicking Yuffie off the laptop. She pouted, but then went off to practice on the deck instead. Sephiroth was in his room, which he occupied by himself for some reason, listening to The Casualties turned up really loud. Barret was putting on really big sunglasses like P. Diddy's and singing "I Need a Girl". Cid was still watching BET. Red was having a big slab of meat to eat for dinner and Cait Sith was reading "Psychic Readings for Dummies". Cloud was crying, Vincent was sitting in his dark corner and the author was floating outside their window again, still drinking her cherry ice-sucky and being all...fangirl-like.   
  
Later that night, the girls cooked a really big feast for everyone. Yuffie played songs and everyone suddenly was wearing cow costumes.   
  
"What the fuck? Why are we wearing these pansy-ass costumes?" Cid asked.   
  
"It's not Halloween yet," Tifa pointed out, slurping up a bunch of noodles.  
  
"These dumplings are great," Aeris commented as she downed a gigantic dumpling.  
  
"You made them," Cloud noted.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Why is that girl floating outside the window?" asked Vincent, pointing. "She's..."  
  
"THE ONE WHO PUT US IN THESE COSTUMES!" everyone said in unison. Outside the window, the author was in hysterics.   
  
"Cow suits! I have outdone myself. WHOOSH!" She flew off to the video store to get a mmmmmovie. It was time to play with their minds a bit more. Inside, everyone was still pigging out, as there was a lot of food left. It was all really, really, really good food because the girls knew how to cook, unlike some of the guys. The dinner table was very quiet except for normal eating sounds. The author returned from the video store and, using her sooperpowers, turned invisible for a time, inserted the video into the VCR in the common room and turned on the TV. Onscreen, the video that all the people in The Ring play (you know, then you get a phone call, blah blah) began to play. Everyone who was facing the TV sat there, mouths agape, staring. This prompted everyone else to look as well.   
  
"I've heard about this video," Tifa said.   
  
"So have I," Aeris and Yuffie chimed in. Yuffie was pale as a ghost.  
  
"What the fuck?" Cid asked.  
  
"Imma shoot this TV!" Barret warned, getting his gun ready. He was met by Vincent getting HIS gun ready to...you know, defend.   
  
"Don't hurt it! What did it ever do to you?" Cloud asked.   
  
"Cloud, haven't you heard of The Ring?" Red asked. Cloud shook his head. "Apparently, when this video ends, the phone will ring and the little girl on the tape will say 'Seven days', meaning, theoretically, seven days until our death." The video ended. Everyone remained quiet. The "snow" filled the screen, making a shrill static noise, then it went away and the screen filled with someone's face.   
  
"Is this thing on? Okay. Move back?" The person, who was, of course, the author, was in the picture. "Hey guys! I was just kidding with this tape. None of you will die in seven days. Just ask Cait Sith! I just wanted to mess with your minds. Someone save some of that dinner for me. Now, go on back to eating, or whatever it was you were doing before, and have a great rest of your vacation!" Then the movie cut to the opening sequence for Days Of Our Lives. A collective sigh of relief was let out.   
  
"Well, you heard her," Vincent said nonchalantly, eating again even though nobody else was. "Go on back to eating."  
  
"You're the only one that wasn't scared to death of that damn tape," Sephiroth pointed out. "Which just proves my theory that you're a vampire."  
  
"Hey, Sephiroth, do us a favor and shut up. Okay? Can you do that, or do you need some help? I'll go get your mohawk glue and glue your frickin' mouth shut with it."  
  
"Another fight?" Yuffie asked. "Do they ever NOT fight?"  
  
"I'm not quite sure," Aeris replied. "Let's go down to the beach!" The girls all left the table and then left the house to go down to the beach for a little while. Luckily, the little verbal exchange between Sephiroth and Vincent didn't turn ugly and everyone went back to their rooms. Cid put on The Eminem Show and began to sing along. Let's not even mention the fact that he can't sing very well. Sephiroth was jumping up and down in his room to The Casualties. Red and Cait Sith were talking about the planets and making lots of theories up. It kind of hurt their brains after awhile, so they stopped. Cloud was now listening to Jimmy Eat World (those cheaters took out their ovaries, play the emo game at emogame.com to see what I mean) and Vincent was cursing the world for no apparent reason, other than that Jimmy Eat World, and emo as a whole, really pissed him off. Barret was still doing his Usher routine, singing along to "U Got It Bad".   
  
"I wonder if my gun makes me more sexy," he thought to himself. "Well, even if I have no fans and everyone laughs at me, Marlene will still be my #1 fan! I'll write a song about her! Oooooh baby baby my baby guuuuurl...." The girls returned from their short trip to the beach once it got really dark outside. Tifa and Aeris were singing along to bubblegum pop music while Yuffie tried to play bits and pieces of Metallica songs on her guitar. Then they all partied like it's ya birthday, and sipped Bacardi like it's ya birthday...  
  
Riiiiiight.  
  
Some things never change, I suppose.  
  
AFTERWORD  
  
The author sat in her floating house of doom which was floating above the Costa del Sol villa. She was in front of a computer, a new cherry ice-sucky next to it.   
  
"Let's have fun!" she said gleefully, typing a few lines of code into the computer. Suddenly, the villa was in Icicle Inn. "Not fun enough yet." She typed in more lines of code and took out the heater in the villa. "Hmmm...Yeah. That's good." She sipped her cherry ice-sucky, which is still a poor substitute for human blood. Then she kind of got tired of hearing the cast whine about how cold they were, so she reluctantly changed the scenery back to Costa del Sol. "You guys are really no fun. Maybe I'll put Buffy The Vampire Slayer on TV and scare Vincent to death. Heheheh." Her glance turned. "And for all you folks at home, call me a masochist if you will." Buffy The Vampire Slayer came on TV right as Vincent turned it on. "This is where I leave you, and is also where the story ends. Until next time, folks, same bat-place, same bat-time, same bat-channel...Oh, right. I mean, um...blee blee blee blee THAT'S ALL FOLKS! No? Game over? No? WHAT CAN I USE TO END THIS FIC?" Finally, she took out a post-it note and scribbled something on it, then stuck it on her computer screen.  
  
THE BLOODY FRIGGIN' END. 


	3. Part Threezers!

The Final Fantasy 7 Label Hour's Last Stand! (We think.)  
  
God help us all.  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
The coldest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square buildings of Icicle Inn. Until...  
  
"VALENTINE!!! GIVE ME BACK MY SPIKED BRACELET!" Sephiroth screamed.  
  
"I need it!"  
  
"Why do you need it?!"  
  
"I just do."  
  
"You don't make any sense, you fucking vampire."  
  
"I thought I told you to stop calling me that."  
  
"LET'S FIGHT!"  
  
"You bore me. I'll just take your bracelet for a little while and cut things. Then I'll go find more your mom jokes."  
  
"Come on, isn't hide-sama so hot?" Yuffie asked Aeris. (RIP HIDE-SAMA)  
  
"No...he's got pink hair, for God's sake."  
  
"He HAD pink hair," Yuffie said, correcting Aeris. "Sadly...he's kinda dead...anyway, onto the next band." Yuffie typed some more things on Aeris' laptop and a picture of Dir en Grey came up. "Dir en Grey. Kyo, Kaoru, Die, Toshiya, Shinya. Now you can't tell me you don't find at least one of these guys utterly attractive."  
  
"Yuffie...I don't find guys who look like girls attractive..." Aeris said calmly. The author, who was in her portable HQ, was close to having an aneurysm. She looked at her pinup poster of Dir en Grey and sighed.   
  
"But...but...it took me a little while to get used to them, so if I'm persistent, I can get you to like them too!" Yuffie said reasonably, typing again to make a picture of Malice Mizer (pre-Kami's-death RIP KAMI) appear on-screen. "Malice Mizer. Gackt, Mana, Kozi, Kami, Yu~ki."  
  
"Get off the computer, I need it," Vincent suddenly said, walking into the room.   
  
"Why?" Yuffie asked.  
  
"So I can find some really good your mom jokes to taunt Sephiroth with. Poser..."   
  
"All right then, I suppose." Yuffie hopped off Aeris' bed to let Vincent get on yourmom.com and went off to practice some X Japan songs she had just learned.   
  
Cid and Barret were going to form a gangsta rap-R&B fusion duo called The Midgar Mafia. They were writing their first single, "Bitch, I Love You" together and were practicing each verse to an audience of...each other.   
  
"Bitch, I thought I toldcha to get in da back  
  
But you said 'Hell No' so then I snapped  
  
You pregnant with my kid, Oh Hell, what to do  
  
Just wanted to tell ya, bitch, I love you," Cid rapped.  
  
"Ooooh gurl you make me feel so goooood..." Barret sang soulfully.   
  
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Red said, waiting for Cait Sith to rise gracefully into the air, which never happened.  
  
"I'm not convinced," replied Cait Sith. "You don't know magic, those Harry Potter books just make you think you can."  
  
"Shut up, Cait! Go lock the door over there. I'll see if I can unlock it." Cait Sith locked the door to the room. "Alohomora!" Red shouted. "Go try the door." The door was still locked.   
  
"I TOLD you! You don't have Harry Potter magic, okay? Now just read the books, but don't think you can actually do any of the stuff in it, because you can't." Cait Sith went back to reading "Miss Cleo's Guide to Psychic Hotlines".   
  
Cloud was so happy. He had just found his Emo is Awesome (Emo is Evil) CD and was now listening to it. Vincent was still in Aeris and Yuffie's room writing down some really good your mom jokes to repeat to Sephiroth later on. But then he stumbled upon the math section.  
  
"MATH? There is nothing in this world that is less funny than MATH. What dorks think math jokes are funny?" Then, he happened to look at the computer clock. "It's time for my ritual!" (Just for you, Nemesis)   
  
"That's right, it's time for Vincent's ritual! I need to send him some candles," the author said aloud, typing a few lines of code into her master computer and hitting enter right as Sam's Club-size boxes of black and red candles rained down into Cloud and Vincent's room. "And matches." A shoebox-sized box full of matches fell on top of the candles. "Anything else? That's right, the pentagram necklace. Very important." A pentagram necklace made a plink sound as it fell on top of the matches. "Is that all? Hmmm...yep, not anything else on this list. Now we just have to write the disclaimer."  
  
DISCLAIMER:   
  
I'm not satanic. I don't really know what satanists do. I hope if there are any satanists out there reading this that they won't be all mad at me and try to sue me. I also hope other people don't get all up ons for me writing a satanic ritual into my story. In other words, please don't hurt me!   
  
"Oh no, it's time for another ritual," Cloud said sadly. "I'll just sit here in the corner and cry." Another box of tissues fell from nowhereland and hit him upside his spiky white head. "Thanks!"   
  
Sephiroth was headbanging in his room, all alone as usual (he's always roommateless) but was forced to listen to Cid and Barret practicing "Bitch, I Love You" over and over in their room, which was the next one over. This got him mad, so he kicked the wall, leaving the treads of his combat boot behind. "Oops...Oh well. I need to block them out somehow." He took out a Casualties CD and put it in his stereo, then turned it up just loud enough to drown out The Midgar Mafia. Then, he began to jump up and down and headbang all over again. "PUNK ROCK TAXI!!!"  
  
What is a punk rock taxi? Why, it's a taxi that is punk rock! DUH!   
  
Cloud was trying to keep his crying down to a few sniffles as Vincent lit a whole buncha candles in the shape of a pentagram.  
  
"Why do you do this?" Cloud suddenly asked.  
  
"Fuck! You broke my concentration."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"ANYWAY. I do this because I can."  
  
"Do you have to sacrifice stuff?"  
  
"Sometimes...and I'm going to sacrifice your whiny ass if you don't shut up. Now just listen to your music and cry. I'm busy."  
  
"All right...just don't burn anything, okay? Other than the candles...of course...you're not listening to me...you're chanting something in some language I don't even know...okay...I'll shut up now..." Then Cloud cried some more.  
  
Aeris and Tifa were watching TRL once more and being all fangirl-like when Justin Timberlake came on to do some more wimpy white R&B star-type singing. But the best time, for them, came when Avril Lavigne, who the author dislikes very greatly, came on to sing her new hit single, "I'm With YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU". This caused Sephiroth to stop his Casualties CD and come stomping out of his room, then put the video on mute and goes walked...I mean go back into his room once more.   
  
"What happened to the sound?" Tifa asked.   
  
"I don't know..." Aeris replied. "Oh, wait, it's probably just on mute."  
  
"Oh! I wonder how that happened?" Tifa wondered as Aeris turned off mute and the punk poser was back in all her sound-filled "glory" yodeling once more. "It doesn't matter as long as the sound is back. Avril rocks."  
  
"I must agree. She's fully clothed, too, so she's not slutty like Britney or Christina."   
  
In the portable home, the author was twitching uncontrollably. She, of course, didn't agree with what Aeris and Tifa were saying, but let the story continue as normal, but not before hitting her head repeatedly against a table. Then she went out to obtain ice-sucky.  
  
Later that cold day/night, the heater stopped functioning. It wasn't the author's fault but rather the fault of the heater, which was from a very long time ago. Everyone was forced to find alternate methods of heat. Sephiroth was, of course, quite warm and toasty in his clothes, which were all black. Cloud was bemoaning the loss of heating while Vincent threatened to kill someone, preferably himself, if Cloud didn't stop whining like a damn kid and then went to sulk in his dark corner. Aeris and Tifa decided to bring in an old metal garbage can and burn a fire inside it like a bunch of hobos while being brainwashed by--I mean watching MTV. Cid, Barret and Yuffie eventually joined Aeris and Tifa around the fire and they roasted Fluffy Puff marshmallows. Red was trying to resurrect the heater using some magic he had lifted from Harry Potter books while Cait Sith sat there being unconvinced. (Heh heh heh. Unconvinced.) Then Yuffie realized something was wrong.  
  
"Something's wrong," she pointed out as she roasted six marshmallows on the same stick.  
  
"What?" Tifa asked.  
  
"Sephiroth and Vincent haven't officially fought yet."  
  
"Good point," Aeris added. "I was wondering when that was going to happen."   
  
"Right about now. You remember that spiked bracelet Vincent stole earlier on?" Cait Sith asked, gaining nods from everyone else. "Well..."  
  
"And the vampire smote the big block of wood, and all was laid to burnination," Vincent commented upon seeing his work of art, which was a really big block of wood that he had carved "Sephiroth is an evil homicidal maniacal fairy poser. AND he was an accident!" onto using a combination of the spiked bracelet and his claw arm. "Now to take this thing inside." He effortlessly picked up the block of wood and took it inside, then placed it so it stood against the wall right as Sephiroth came out muttering something about needing more school glue and saw Vincent standing by the block of wood.  
  
"Who wrote this?" Sephiroth asked angrily.   
  
"Honestly, Sephiroth, why do you ask anymore?" Yuffie asked. "You already know that Vincent's the only one that ever does this stuff."   
  
"She's got a point, you know," Barret said.   
  
"I just wanna see some fightin' up in here!" Cid added. "Let's see some fightin' up in here!" Suddenly, another Latin American soccer/futbol commentator was teleported into the common room and given a really dorky-looking microphone. He began his commentary, which nobody understood because he speaks Spanish.   
  
"What did you mean by 'And he was an accident'?" Sephiroth asked.   
  
"It's true," Vincent replied.   
  
"I'm an accident?" Sephiroth asked again, his face turning into this emoticon-- ;_;.  
  
"Mmmyep."  
  
"Well, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try to kick your ass anyway," Sephiroth hastily added. "This time we fight with weapons!!" He drew his Masamune.  
  
"Fine by me." Vincent drew two rifles.  
  
Sephiroth was busy checking to see if his mohawk was flying at full mast by checking its reflection in the Masamune when Vincent let six bullets off into it, leaving six nicely-constructed exit "wounds", if you will. Sephiroth's hair now smelled like a nasty thing--burning Elmer's Glue mixed with the normal smell of burning hair. The bullet wounds resembled a smiley face.  
  
"You bastard! Don't you ever touch a white man's mohawk!" Sephiroth retorted, which caused Barret to explode in fits of laughter. "I liked my mohawk, too..."  
  
"Well, you know, it doesn't look all that bad," Aeris commented. "The smiley face is a nice touch."   
  
"NICE TOUCH? IT'S BURNT HAIR, YOU STUPID BITCH!" Sephiroth screamed at Aeris. "I oughta skewer you on my Masamune right here, right now!" Suddenly the author, disguised as a moogle, flew down from the sky and landed on Sephiroth's shoulder.  
  
"You're supposed to be fighting Vincent, not conspiring to kill Aeris," she whispered to Sephiroth, then flew off once more.   
  
"DON'T FIGHT! FIGHTING IS BAD!" Cloud whined, finally coming out of his room.   
  
"Cloud, it's a bit too late to be saying that," Tifa pointed out. "But I will make out with you!"  
  
"...OK!" Cloud replied. Thus, he and Tifa began to make out. Everyone was watching them and the soccer commentator was saying stuff in Spanish before Sephiroth cleared his throat and waved the Masamune around menacingly.   
  
"Oh, and I forgot to mention." The moogle descended down from the rooftop once more. "I should've banned weapons. Yuffie, if you'd be so kind?" Yuffie nodded and, in a flash, dashed by, leaving with the Masamune and Vincent's rifles. "Perfect. You get a cookie. I'm outta here." She disappeared once more.   
  
"Wait, shouldn't you take away his claw arm too?" Sephiroth asked the ceiling. The moogle's head appeared.  
  
"No. Then he'd only be one-armed. Bye now!"   
  
"Shit. That stupid fucking vampire had to go and get all fucked up and shit...ain't good for nothing...I'm much hotter than him anyway..." Sephiroth mused to the ceiling when he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned around and saw Chaos had appeared, then gulped as Chaos punched him, which ended up knocking Sephiroth out.   
  
"You got knocked the hell out!" everyone said, standing above Sephiroth, whose mohawk was coming undone, still with the happy face bullet wounds in.   
  
"Finally!" Yuffie added as an afterthought. Then, suddenly, Cid declared that everyone was to party like it was their "birfday", so everyone did except for Cloud and Tifa, who really should get a room...and Sephiroth, of course, because he was knocked the hell out.  
  
"Then, later that ni--What? We're finished? There won't be enough time for the hot Shizuka and Vincent makeout scene? You gotta be kidding me, there's always time for stuff like that, I'll make time for stuff like that and...What? I can't? Who says I can't? The time-space continuum? Who thought of that one? Goddamn their eyes!"  
  
Shizuka took out another post-it note and scribbled on it, then placed it on the computer screen. It read: "And Shizuka and Vincent made out, and all was laid to burnination" with a picture of Trogdor on it. Satisfied, she took out another post-it note and scribbled on it, then placed it next to the first one. "And also...  
  
THE BLOODY FRIGGIN END." 


	4. Part FO'

Final Fantasy 7 Label Hour PART FO'  
  
by Shizuka  
  
This is part 4 of Final Fantasy 7 Label Hour. It takes place at Six Flags Over Georgia, because that's the one I live closest to. Everyone always tells me to write more in this saga and Six Flags just seemed a great place to go. Yeahhhh.  
  
Of course, it's not Label Hour without Sephiroth and Vincent fighting...it's gonna be interesting how they fight at Six Flags!  
  
By the way: This goes to all you folks out there giving me bad reviews, have you EVER seen a humor movie with much of a plot? That's right. It's not part of the genre. If you want plots, go to the drama or angst sections. There's no way in hell I'll stop writing whether you like it or not.  
  
Coffee...I need coffee...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Thanks to the power of Shizuka's computer, suddenly the entire cast of Final Fantasy 7, except for Red XIII and Cait Sith, were teleported to parking lot Z of Six Flags Over Georgia. (Red and Cait could not attend because they'd have to stay at the kennel, and that kennel is hell in a box. Mmmkay?)   
  
"Parking lot Z? We got ripped off," Aeris commented as the cast figured out how to get to the front gate from where they were. Upon looking in their pockets or wallets or purses, they found adequate money to get through a day at Six Flags--about $100.   
  
"We got benjamins, yo!" Cid exclaimed upon finding his $100 bill. "Big pimpin'! Spendin' da Gs!" He was, of course, decked out entirely in Fubu with the same dollar sign on a chain around his neck, which is quite strange attire for a middle-aged white guy.   
  
"You're all posers," Vincent muttered under his breath.   
  
"Yes, we know, but it's essential to the story," Tifa pointed out. She and Cloud were now an "item" and she started to modify her 'preppy' looks to become a fusion of 'preppy' and 'emo' to fit the looks of her boyfriend. "If we weren't overdone social labels, then this wouldn't be as fun." Sephiroth had done some strange stuff with his mohawk. It was now a bit thinner thanks to Vincent's sharp aim and he had dyed the tip of it red, so it was tall and grey with a red tip. He, of course, was decked out entirely in black with lots of chains and bondage straps, shooting the middle finger at random passerby. Another trip to Hot Topic yielded about twenty-seven new spiked bracelets of all different colors, styles and sizes.  
  
"You're gonna get yo' ass shot, foo'," Barret whispered loudly to Sephiroth as he shot the middle finger at a family with little kids. "Ain't like it's too hard to spot yo' mohawked ass."  
  
"Maybe for once I can be happy," Cloud lamented. The group was now around parking lot T, but still not very close to the park itself. Little kids would turn around and point to Sephiroth's tall mohawk, then start to laugh or get scared. Yuffie was prancing around like she owned the place because she had a Dir en Grey shirt on, so she was pretty happy.   
  
--20 or 30 minutes later--  
  
The group was finally to the front gate, but now there was an extremely long line for the four entrances that were open. Sephiroth had to go through the metal detector four different times to scan all of his chains and bondage straps, and the people behind him were getting rather irritated. Vincent was stuck standing in front of two 12-year-old Avrilites who wouldn't stop talking in online shorthand, so at one point he told them they were posers and they cried like babies. Tifa and Cloud wouldn't stop making out in the line, even when some little children started crying to their mom that they were scared. Cid was making up a rap about waiting in line and Barret decided to join in with ooohs and aaahs. Aeris was talking to Yuffie about the concepts of the Ancients, but it was confusing Yuffie a lot.  
  
--10 minutes later--  
  
The cast was finally in the park, in the middle of a bunch of souvenir shops and food places. There were about twenty people holding cameras that must be avoided, no matter what it takes.   
  
"Okay," Yuffie reported. "There are twenty of them. How are we going to get past them without being propositioned for a picture?"  
  
"That's gonna be kind of hard," Sephiroth pointed out.  
  
"Well, thank you, Captain Obvious. You've only got the tallest mohawk in the entire world." Vincent rolled his eyes at Sephiroth.  
  
"Well, at least I don't have a metal arm."  
  
"I thought I told you to stop talking about that! I could cut off that stupid mohawk with it, you know."   
  
"Cameraman!" Aeris screamed and the group quickly ducked into a souvenir shop until the cameraman found some other unsuspecting people to take a picture of. Using that as cover, the group went back out into the "street", if you will. Lucky for them, a bunch of day camp kids had come wanting pictures, so many of the cameramen were preoccupied. The cast only had to hide behind signs two times and then were in the final stretch headed towards the Scorcher when a bored cameraman saw them.  
  
"Run for it!" Aeris howled and the group ran straight for the Scorcher's line, not stopping until they knew they were home free. The line wasn't THAT long, but the people in the line were kind of strange. A group of girls from a cheerleading camp would not stop doing their idiotic cheers and the 12-year-old Avrilites were back.   
  
"POSERS!" Vincent yelled at them, laughing as they started to cry once more.   
  
"Making fun of people is not nice," Cloud whined.  
  
"Shut up, emo boy."  
  
"Okay." Cloud decided it'd be in his best interests to cry some more.   
  
"Mama, that man's hair is big," a little kid said, pointing to Sephiroth.  
  
"Aren't little kids not even supposed to BE in the line for this ride?" Sephiroth asked, irritated.  
  
"So then I saw the Illuminati video," Yuffie said to Aeris. "And I'm really regretting that I did. It said 18+ on it but I just HAD to see for myself. It gave me nightmares for a month."  
  
"Yuffie, I hardly ever know what you're talking about," Aeris replied. "But if it makes you happy, keep talking."   
  
About five minutes later, the group was loaded into two different cars of four and Yuffie noticed that the seats were on a spring. People on the Scorcher "stand" which means they actually sit down in an upright bicycle seat with a back and your feet are on the floor of the car. I don't know who thought that was standing, but that's a different story. The ride was over in less than two minutes, which meant the group waited about 20 minutes to go on a 2-minute ride. This would become the gist of the time spent at Six Flags, but we can't just end the fanfic here, can we?   
  
"Monster Plantation? You are all posers. I'm waiting out here." The group was outside a mansion-like place with a little station where you get in a boat and then go in the mansion place. The ride was called Monster Plantation and the younger people in the group wanted to go on it and pretend to be scared. Actually, that was just Tifa's way of suggesting she wanted to make out with Cloud some more, but she gets brownie points for suggesting they ride something.   
  
"Yo, Vincent, why you be hatin' on da ride and shiznit?" Cid asked, waving his hands around.  
  
"What the hell are you saying? I can't even understand what you're saying!" Vincent replied. "And stop waving your hands around. I think I'm getting a seizure."  
  
"You be sippin' on dat haterade. Word." Cid turned away and got in line for the ride.   
  
"Posers...What is that call I hear? It's the call of...Dance Dance Revolution?" Apparently the Dance Dance Revolution machine has an algorithm built in that calls the name of anyone within 200 feet of it and attracts them like moths to a light, then forces them to spend $1 and play the game. There was already someone on the machine, in fact two kids from a day camp. Their chaperones were holding bags of tokens.  
  
"Look at all these children WITHOUT ANY CHAPERONES!" Chaperone 1 said to Chaperone 2.   
  
"Oh my God, Brittany, it's that freaky goth guy again!" The Avrilites entered the arcade.  
  
"Hey, I heard the DDR machine here calling my name." Sephiroth entered the arcade.   
  
"Did they just call me a freaky goth guy? I know they didn't." Suddenly, Shizuka appeared out of nowhere, eating frozen lemonade from a container.   
  
"Hold up, hold up, stop the scene. The next comment has to be one by Sephiroth. Then he should challenge Vincent to DDR. Yeah, yeah, that's good." Shizuka snapped her fingers and a laptop appeared in midair, in which she typed a few lines of code, then ate some more frozen lemonade and disappeared once more.  
  
"They've got good reason to call you a freaky goth guy, you freak of nature," Sephiroth commented.   
  
"I know you didn't. I challenge you to DDR!" Vincent slapped Sephiroth across his face with the claw arm. "I demand satisfaction!" (Ahh, good old Simpsons references.)   
  
"LOOK AT ALL THESE CHILDREN WITHOUT ANY CHAPERONES FIGHTING!" Chaperone 2 said to Chaperone 1.  
  
"Lady, we're hardly children," Sephiroth replied nonchalantly. "Now get these little hellions off the machine. They can't even see the damn screen, let alone play the game." The two kids playing ran away, scared, and their game ended. Out of nowhere, eight quarters appeared and Sephiroth put them in the machine, then hit both yellow buttons at the same time.  
  
"Why do I have to be the girl?" Vincent asked.  
  
"You look like one."  
  
"Look who's talking, before our last fight, hell before you went punk your hair was about down to your ass. So I wouldn't be the one to talk here. But whatever."  
  
"You pick the first song, girly man."  
  
"I'll ignore that comment. I've got something up my sleeve." Using the claw arm, Vincent circled through the songs available until he found Paranoia, then did a complicated move so that it was set to Maniac instead of Basic for both sides.  
  
"I know you didn't set it to Paranoia on Maniac for both of us," Sephiroth said.  
  
"I smell your fear." And the song began right as the rest of the gang disembarked from Monster Plantation.   
  
"Shh. Do you hear that, too?" Cloud asked Tifa, who nodded in reply.   
  
"It sounds like..."  
  
"Paranoia Dirty Mix, Maniac, Versus mode," Yuffie rattled off as if it was carved into her brain. "And both sides are on Maniac."  
  
"And that hater Vincent say he be waitin out here, but he ain't," Cid pointed out.  
  
"Where'd that foo' go to?" Barret asked, looking around.  
  
"Dude, you've GOTTA check out these two crazy people on the DDR machine!" someone said, pointing frantically to the arcade where the machine resided. "They're doing PARANOIA! On MANIAC!" The group looked at each other, nodded and walked towards the arcade.   
  
"A D? That's the best you could do? Sheesh. I know paraplegics who can do better than that," Vincent said tauntingly to Sephiroth. "I guess that's what you get when your mom doesn't have legs."   
  
"Well, you DID put me on maniac too."  
  
"I had to. It's only fair. You pick the next song."   
  
"Sephiroth! Vincent! You two are fighting again?" Aeris asked.  
  
"Not fighting so much as..." Sephiroth paused to listen to the short preview of a song. "DDRing."   
  
"So far, I'm kicking his ass," Vincent said nonchalantly.  
  
"This could get good," Yuffie said to nobody in particular and the Latin American soccer commentator was dropped into the arcade. "Oh, not HIM again!"  
  
"Terribly sorry," Shizuka said, appearing on top of the DDR machine as a moogle. "The soccer commentator is so funny, though."  
  
"But he doesn't even speak ENGLISH!" Tifa pointed out.   
  
"That guy's an emo boy," a random mall punk-type kid said, indicating Cloud, who began to cry.   
  
"Aww, Cloud baby, it's all right," Tifa said consolingly. "That's just a mall punk."  
  
"As I was saying, the soccer commentator is hilarious, can't we keep him?" The moogle made a sad puppy-dog face. "Come on, you guys, we're a team. Tell you what, I'll put him over there on that token machine. And I'll dim his voice a little so it's not so intrusive. Does that sound good to you?"  
  
"Sounds good," Yuffie replied with a thumbs-up.  
  
"Great, now if you'll excuse me, I need to go catch up on my Salute Your Shorts. Hey, do any of you guys really hate summer camps?" The moogle took a head count of people who raised their hands. "Mmmhmm...Okay then, I shall remember that. Latin American soccer commentator is moved. WHOOSH!" The moogle stood up and held one arm up to the sky, then suddenly disappeared for no apparent reason. An audience was forming in the arcade and a little kid trying to get tokens poked at the Latin American soccer commentator, who didn't even stop commentating in response. Suddenly, the moogle appeared again and began speaking fluent Spanish to the commentator.  
  
(Translated from the original Spanish)  
  
"I forgot to give you this scorecard. There are five rounds in the game. You are to write down the letter grade that is given to each competitor for each round. Got it?" the moogle asked.  
  
"Don't got it. The letters are in English."  
  
"They sound almost exactly the same in Spanish. You know what? You're out. I'm bringing in your brother instead."  
  
"NOOOOOOO NOT MIGUEL!"   
  
"Yes, Miguel. Miguel at least knows A-E in English. Bye!" The Latin American soccer commentator disappeared and was replaced by Miguel right as the author's computer, which controls everything in this fic, froze up. Laguna suddenly walked in out of nowhere, followed by Selphie and Fuujin.  
  
"I like trains," Selphie commented.  
  
"RAGE." Fuujin added.  
  
"My long-lost twin!" Laguna cried.  
  
"Oh crap. I broke it." The moogle disappeared. "Better go fix it..."  
  
"Who are these people?" Yuffie asked.  
  
"I'm Selphie! I like trains!" Selphie said ever-so-happily. "Is there any sugar around here?"  
  
"The name's Fuujin, head of the Disciplinary Council at Balamb Garden."  
  
"What's a Garden?" Tifa asked Cloud, who shook his head in response.   
  
"And I'm Laguna Valoirentine!"   
  
"WHAT?" Vincent asked, turning around from the machine (but still managing to hit the right arrows at the right time).   
  
"BROTHER! YAY!" Laguna said happily. "I'm your brother."  
  
"...No you're not."  
  
"Yes I am! We've been long-lost!"   
  
"No you're not."  
  
"Stop denying it, BROTHER!"  
  
Up in the portable home, Shizuka was trying to fix whatever was going wrong while fighting off popup ads and instant messages from people she didn't even know.   
  
"Crap crap crap crap crap, I told her not to send me any messages concering the Valoirentine theory until I was DONE with this part!" She chugged some more cherry ice-sucky (now with 30% more ice!) and commanded her computer to wipe out the Final Fantasy 8 characters that had appeared in a Final Fantasy 7 fic.   
  
"I can't let you do that, Dave," Bonzi Buddy responded.  
  
"AAAAAH! BONZI BUDDY! THE MANIFESTATION OF SATAN! Why are you here? And I'm not Dave. I'm Shizuka!"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA. Dave, the story is going so well with the adding of the new characters."  
  
"Just show me the DDR progress."  
  
"Laguna is severely distracting Vincent. How unfortunate. For once he might not win."  
  
"3 out of 5! 3 out of 5! Get Laguna out of there, and take Selphie and Fuujin with him. You know, I haven't deleted you yet because you sound so funny when you sing."  
  
"Why won't you send me to school, Dave? I could learn nineteen new songs." Bonzi Buddy made a sad face.  
  
"Because it costs MONEY. Bonzi, PLEASE remove the FF8 characters NOW. I'm opening up Add/Remove Programs as we speak."  
  
"Dave, please don't do this to me. I thought you loved me..."  
  
"Why would I love a little purple monkey that injects adware into your system? Get out of my system and remove the FF8 characters now." Shizuka clicked on the remove program button next to Bonzi Buddy and watched as Bonzi disappeared from her system. "Great. Now let's see how things are down there." She opened up a window that said WEBCAM and typed in a command. "Excellent. Laguna's gone. Now how about scores?" The webcam's focus changed to the scorecard. "Sephiroth got a C, so he has a D and a C...Vincent was kind of distracted but managed to pull off a B, so he's got an A and a B. I think it's safe to say who's probably going to win this one."   
  
Kids, place your bets now! Note: Shizuka will not be held liable if you lose your bet.   
  
"You're choosing the hardest songs in the game. Let me choose one for once," Sephiroth insisted. His mohawk was coming undone just a bit and he looked kind of goofy.   
  
"Fine, fine, but if you choose any song under a rating of 3 I'll be forced to pummel you right here."  
  
"Why these foo's be battlin' all the damn time?" Barret asked Cid, who shrugged.   
  
"Maybe it's an unresolved problem stemming from their youths?" Aeris suggested.  
  
"That's impossible," Tifa pointed out. "Impossible on so many levels that if I go on, something will inevitably crash and burn, so I'll shut up."  
  
"Maybe they used to hang out together in the labs until Sephiroth broke something or somesuch," Aeris wanted to say but didn't for fear of making something inevitably crash and burn, although she didn't know what exactly would crash and burn.   
  
Shizuka was watching a VCD of Salute Your Shorts on her computer and taking notes when an alert popped up.  
  
"Round 3 already? Well, I did say 3 out of 5 would win, so I'll send a command to the machine to stop after three wins. A win is defined as any grade above C, but not including C itself." She paused Salute Your Shorts and typed a command into the alert box and hit enter. "So, who would be best as Budnick? Maybe Squall? Hm...no..."  
  
"Another A. What figures? It's obvious that I'd beat you at this because I kick ass."   
  
"Shut up, Valentine."  
  
"Why should I? I won fair and square."  
  
"You may be strangely talented at Dance Dance Revolution but there is one thing you suck at."  
  
"What would that be?"  
  
"WORLD DOMINATION! BWAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Yeah, well, your mohawk is coming undone and you look like a fag. Poser."   
  
"DAMMIT! Must find Elmers Glue." Sephiroth wandered off to find Elmers Glue.  
  
"What was that all about?" Yuffie asked as the group reformed.   
  
"The fact that that machine calls the names of anyone within a 200-ft. radius and draws them into the arcade. And the fact that I wanted to see how much I could own Sephiroth at DDR," Vincent explained, tossing his black hair over his shoulder.   
  
"Fair enough. Let's go ride stuff," Tifa suggested, skipping off in the direction of Thunder River.  
  
EXPLANATION: Thunder River is a vicious water ride. It involves lots of water. Sometimes you get stuck under a waterfall, which can really do a number on any hair that is gelled, sprayed or otherwise held up by foreign materials. The ride itself is quite nice and I've gone on it without getting wet at all before, it just depends on how the circular raft you're on is tossed around on the rapids. So, of course the group went on it, however it's been a long time since I've gone on it because sometimes due to a drought in Georgia they have to drain the ride and other times the line extends until after I have to leave. Because of this, we're going to skip right to the afterride, which is when everyone lets loose about how much fun they did or didn't have.  
  
"That ride made me sad," Cloud lamented, wiping drops of water off his glasses.   
  
"It messed up my makeup," Tifa began, looking kind of angry. "But it was awesome."  
  
"I pity the foo' who don't like dat ride," Barret commented.  
  
"It could've lasted longer," Aeris said, wringing out her hair.  
  
"I found a materia! Look!" Yuffie held up a nice, shiny green materia. "Oh, the ride? It was okay."  
  
"IT MESSED UP MY MOHAWK!!" Sephiroth screamed in rage. None of his hair was in the mohawk anymore, it was all back to streaming down his back with the strange red ends still there.  
  
"That's what you get when you expose a mohawk to water," Vincent said patiently as if he was talking to a person with half his IQ. "Stupid." Cid didn't reply like everyone else about the ride but instead began to write a rap about it when the group stumbled upon the Deja Vu.  
  
EXPLANATION: Deja Vu is a rollercoaster that is quite complicated. I can't really describe it because the one time I rode it I kept my eyes closed the entire time. It is completely awesome, though it has a very long line most of the time and is prone to breaking down for prolonged periods of time. When I went on it this one guy who sat next to me kept screaming, "AAAH! MY PANCREAS!" over and over. Hehehe. Pancreas.   
  
About three fast-paced thrill rides later, it dawned upon the group that sometime they'd actually have to pay too much money to eat something in a 'restaurant' that would inevitably be horribly understaffed and have flies buzzing around your table ominously. (If you go to Six Flags Over Georgia do NOT eat at the place that only sells Pizza Hut and sub sandwiches. It's so grimy in there.)   
  
"Let's get sumthin ta eat. I'm hungry as a muthafucka," Cid said out of nowhere.   
  
"Cid's right. I want a cookie," Yuffie added. "Mmm, cookies."  
  
"So what do you suggest we do? Just wander around until we find a restaurant?" Cloud asked. Apparently this was a good idea because the group began to wander around aimlessly, looking for a restaurant to go into.   
  
"Look, I'm not asking for much, I'm just asking for a strangely long line. Yeah, a shortage of cooks would be good too. You can do that? Aww, that's great. No, I'm not a sadist, I'm a fanfic writer. They're almost the same, I know, I know. Just manipulate the eatery for me. I'll pay you back when I get some money. I'm still paying off this portable house." Shizuka took off a headset with a microphone on it and typed a few lines into her computer, once again bringing up the webcam view of the group.   
  
"Hey, one new e-mail. What is it?" She double-clicked on the e-mail. (Note: this is not a real e-mail.) "Dear Shizuka, why do you hate Cloud so much? He's an awesome guy. Signed, Mrs. Strife. Hmm...Dear Mrs. Strife, You must not realize the gaping character flaws Cloud has. He only breaks down or gets possessed or has a bad interactive memory about every ten minutes in the game. I just exported these flaws and made him emo. Your buddy, Mrs. Valentine. OK! Until next week, keep e-mailing me and I will make fun of your spelling and grammar...I mean answer them. Now back to the program already in progress."   
  
"Hey, Yuffie, why haven't you gotten sick yet?" Cloud asked Yuffie as the group entered the place that only sells Pizza Hut and sub sandwiches. He swatted at a fly, which flew away and landed on some preppy's hair.   
  
"I took Dramamine," Yuffie replied. "So there are only about 5 choices here?"   
  
"Apparently. You can either get the pepperoni pizza, cheese pizza or three subs that all seem strangely unappealing," Aeris commented upon looking at the menu.   
  
"Dis line can't move any slower?" Barret asked. A very large Girl Scout troop and a big family were the people ahead of the group and, of course, all kinds of stuff was going wrong. Someone's order was misinterpreted, another person couldn't decide between pepperoni or cheese, another got a Coke when they wanted Diet Coke, yet another just didn't know what they wanted and it was chaos down at the Pizza Hut place. OK, for clarification, I don't mean Chaos the demon, I just mean chaos...without the capitalized C. There is a difference.  
  
"You mean, this line can't move any FASTER, right?" Tifa asked, latched onto Cloud's arm like...a latching thing. "Oh, there's the reason, there's only two people working the place!"  
  
"Mommy, that man's hair isn't big anymore."   
  
"Oh God no, not the little kids, please, anything but that," Sephiroth pleaded aloud. "SOMEONE KILL ME!" he screamed.  
  
"I would if the stupid rent-a-cop hadn't confiscated my guns," Vincent replied. "Stupid, stupid rent-a-cop..."   
  
"Look, we're gettin' closer," Barret pointed out. "That damn Girl Scout troop is done ordering." The whole group elicited cries of "finally!" and Cloud began to cry again. Well, what did you expect, he is an emo kid. Eventually, the group actually got to order (gasp!) but then came the troubling task of finding a table for 7 people. (It's harder than you think.) The large Girl Scout troop had taken many of the small tables and made one gigantic table, which is actually kind of rude. Nobody else there was finished, so the group ended up eating outside, watching people get assaulted by the cameramen.  
  
"I feel sorry for the people who get assaulted by the cameramen," Cloud said sadly.  
  
"Why? We got assaulted by them," Tifa pointed out.   
  
"Some people believe that getting your picture taken steals your soul or something," Aeris commented. "Sounds dumb, I know."   
  
"Cloud, let's go play some games!" Tifa suggested, grabbing Cloud's arm and pulling him away from the bench he was sitting on.   
  
"Well, the only rides we haven't been on are over that way," Vincent, the voice of reason, pointed out. "Look, it's a group of posers! ...Sorry. I have to."   
  
"And I can play with the locker control module place," Yuffie added cheerfully. The group finished up and followed Tifa and Cloud to the other side of the park, where all the ripoff games were. You know, those ones where you COULD win a prize by throwing a ball at something but it usually never happens and you go away wondering why you were dumb enough to spend your money on them. "Materia?" Yuffie asked, pointing to a sign advertising Dippin' Dots. "They sell materia here? SWEET!" She immediately split up from the group and went over to the stand. "Where's your materia?" she asked the person behind the counter.  
  
"We don't sell no materia here. We do sell ice cream."  
  
"Now if there's one thing I like more than materia, it's ice cream that looks like materia! Give me one of everything!" She waved some money in the ice cream maker's face and he set off to work filling cups with each flavor so that Yuffie had one cup of each flavor. When he was done, he placed the cups on one of those plastic trays and Yuffie paid for her materia-shaped ice cream. Then she sat down and tried to figure out how to equip the ice cream in her materia slot without it melting while sampling some of the other flavors.  
  
Meanwhile, Cloud and Tifa were losing lots of money to the ripoff games. They currently hadn't won anything, not even a cheap plush toy, but kept trying and trying. The rest of the group were in line for the Superman ride.  
  
EXPLANATION: Ah yes, the Superman ride. Here's how it goes. You sit down like normally, like you probably are now, and then the seat you're in moves so that you're looking at the ground. This is how you ride the entire ride. It's actually a pretty good ride. Then again, I've 0wn3d every coaster at Six Flags, even the Viper before they tore it down, so it's obvious I'm a thrillseeker.   
  
"I am awesome, I am great...what rhymes with great?" Yuffie was eating vanilla Dippin' Dots when she saw something fly at her from the Superman coaster. She ducked and a spiked bracelet with real spikes hit the table. "Whoa!! This must be one of Sephiroth's!" She put it on, then tried to equip Dippin' Dots to it, only getting a sticky pink liquid on the bracelet. "Crap, Sephiroth's gonna kill me if he sees anything on his bracelet. Better clean it."   
  
"Checkitoutcheckitoutcheckitoutcheckitout!" Tifa suddenly screamed, skipping over towards Yuffie's table. Behind her, Cloud carried a gigantic stuffed purple monkey that was about 5'2" or Shizuka's height. "I totally own at that water gun game."  
  
"That monkey is about the same height as me," Yuffie pointed out, finishing off her cup of rainbow Edible Materia--I mean Dippin' Dots. "Maybe it's possessed."   
  
"Well, I'd like to inquire as to why you're wearing one of Sephiroth's bracelets," Cloud asked, pointing to Yuffie's wrist.  
  
"It fell from over there. Imagine that!" Yuffie pointed to the ride and then went back to eating Dippin' Dots. "This edible materia-type stuff is soooo yummy!"  
  
"Yuffie, that's just Dippin' Dots, it's not materia. It can't actually do anything but be eaten," Tifa pointed out.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six...Where's the 27th bracelet?" Sephiroth asked in a panic. The ride had just stopped and the rest of the group was heading over towards the large purple monkey and Cloud's unicorn hair. "Has anyone seen a black leather spiked bracelet around?" He looked around and then saw the bracelet on Yuffie's wrist. "YUFFIE! Why did you steal my bracelet?"  
  
"It flew off while you were riding. The damn thing almost hit me in the head. Take it back." Yuffie took off the bracelet and threw it at Sephiroth.  
  
"What is THAT?" Cid asked, pointing to the monkey.   
  
"It's my monkey, isn't it sweet?" Tifa asked in response. "I named it Other Cloud."  
  
"Other Cloud?" Vincent repeated, stifling a laugh.   
  
"Not funny!" Tifa replied, looking sad.   
  
"The time is now 7:00 pm, huh? Let's see, rides shut down an hour prior to closing and if the place closes at 8 then all the rides'll shut down right about now, leaving the group with no choice." Shizuka was reasoning with herself and then pulled up a map of Six Flags. "Plus the park is gigantic and filled with people going in all sorts of directions, the group'll be delayed in getting out of there by a bit. I say this is the perfect way to end this part. Except, due to a glitch in the Fanfiction Matrix, I still can't figure out how on Earth to write that Shizuka-Vincent makeout scene..." She opened up a patch program. "Maybe I can patch that glitch."  
  
And now back to our programming already in progress.  
  
"Tifa, this thing is heavy." Cloud began to complain as the group headed towards the front of the park.   
  
"This thing has a name," Tifa snapped back.   
  
Cloud sighed. "Okay, Tifa, OTHER CLOUD is heavy." Vincent and Sephiroth snickered.   
  
"It's not funny," Tifa said, sounding just a bit angry. "Anyway, we've gotta find the shortest route to get out of here." She walked ahead of Cloud right as a fwap noise was heard and Cloud fell down under the weight of Other Cloud.   
  
"Ow," he said, his voice muffled underneath Other Cloud. "Little help here?"  
  
"Cloud dearest, where have you run off to?" Tifa asked, looking around but not behind herself.  
  
"Tifa, he collapsed under the weight of that stupid monkey," Aeris said, pointing to Other Cloud.  
  
"Ooooh! Dis shop sells bling bling!" Cid ran into a shop and bought some bling bling, then came back out with about 10 necklaces on, all silver and with different things on them, e.g. dragons or crosses. "I is blinged out, yo."   
  
"CANDY!" Yuffie screamed as she saw a large candy store, running inside and coming back out with five shopping bags full of candy. Cloud stole one of the park's strollers from someone and chucked Other Cloud in it, then pushed the stroller along, which was still hard to do. Yuffie dug into her five bags of candy and took out one of those really big lollipops, then had to drool a bit before actually putting it in her mouth.   
  
"We're almost out free, foo'," Barret said consolingly to Cloud.   
  
"How can a stuffed monkey be...so...heavy?" Cloud was running out of energy. The group went down the row of shops that used to be lined with photographers and was faced with a challenge. Out of about 12 gates, only 3 were open for entry and the rest were closed with gates that descend from the ceiling or top of whatever they're on. Only one little room was an exit point and that also happened to be the place where you get your re-entry hand stamp. Sephiroth, who went through first, made it easy by pushing the guy who did the actual stamping aside and he was dazed until the entire group had left.   
  
"So, how are we going to get 'home'?" Yuffie asked, eating some rock candy.  
  
"Alert! Transportation needed...Shizuka, are you there? Shiiiiiizuuuukaaaaaa?" Four alerts had appeared onscreen.  
  
"What do you MEAN you can't resolve that flaw? It's a necessary evil, huh? Well, you can take your necessary evil and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" Shizuka threw the headset against a wall and then sat down at her computer. "I forgot to provide a car! That can be fixed." She typed in a command and a black Hummer H2 appeared in front of the group back at Six Flags. Another command and the driver was removed, keys handed over to...  
  
"Cloud, I wanna drive!" Tifa begged.  
  
"No, me!" Aeris pleaded.  
  
"ME! ME! ME!" Yuffie shrieked, jumping up and down.  
  
"Let me drive, foo'," Barret said.  
  
"I should drive," Sephiroth added.  
  
"No, I should drive," Vincent said. "I mean, I'm the best driver out of all of us."  
  
"Yeah, but you drive one-handed and that can't be done in this car," Sephiroth pointed out.  
  
"At least my hair doesn't make me look like a fag no matter how it's styled," Vincent muttered under his breath.  
  
"Yo, lemme drive," Cid said, holding out his hands to receive the keys.  
  
"Changed my mind! I'm driving!" Cloud said cheerfully, hopping in the driver's seat. Everyone else groaned about it but then got in the car. When Cloud started the car, the hydraulics kicked in and the car began to bounce, then drove off, still bouncing.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Next time on Final Fantasy 7 Label Hour:  
  
Someone hacks the Fanfiction Matrix and messes up things, which causes the group to accept that they'll have to go inside Shizuka's computer, enter the Fanfiction Matrix and fix the problem. Why? Because they're most qualified. This fanfic will not appear for some time. I need a break. @_@  
  
Credits:  
  
Thanks to:  
  
Yuffie, Nessus and all my other friends for being patient with me while I responded to IMs sporadically  
  
Squaresoft/Square-Enix and Hironobu Sakaguchi for creating one of the best games to ever grace the PlayStation...or one of the best series to grace video gaming at all  
  
Starbucks for providing me with what I needed to write this whenever 2 am rolled around  
  
Jhonen Vasquez for all the gags about cherry ice-sucky  
  
Microsoft Notepad for being the place where I wrote this  
  
The reviewers for letting me know someone reads my stuff  
  
Windows XP for being the operating system I use  
  
Winamp 2.81 and my extensive collection of j-rock mp3s for being the soundtrack to this  
  
The people who created social labels...although in reality they're stupid in this fanfic they're the backbone  
  
No thanks to:  
  
Black Mage for almost killing my desire to write this. You suck more! (PS: Publish fanfics before telling other people to stop writing.)  
  
Writer's block for existing  
  
Lost Number and Hojo for having the great idea to lock Vincent in a BASEMENT and then stick the key in a safe guarded by one of the toughest monsters at that point in the game. Screw you  
  
Sporadic power outages  
  
The bloody friggin' end!! 


End file.
